i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
