Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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