and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
