You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My dick has a subreddit
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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