She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
