You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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