I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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