just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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