My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
