There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
