whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
