If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize