I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
