Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize