So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
