Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
