Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
