..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
