I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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