I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
