it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
