So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
