Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
