What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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