dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
