My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize