I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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