so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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