he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
