i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
