Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize