Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
