Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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