You really coming over, don't trick.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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