1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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