He asked me if I "almost moaned"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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