$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
