Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
