How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize