Having a random hookup so left but love u
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
