He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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