I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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