I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize