hell yes lets make some ravioli
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
