I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
