She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
