Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
