don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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