im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
