This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
