Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
