why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
