You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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