we have pet lesbian snakes
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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