he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
