so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
