I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize