you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
