I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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