he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
