Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
only if we run a train.
done.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
