i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
there was a trapeze. enough said
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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