I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
