You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
