Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
