omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
