I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
