hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
