her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
