Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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