I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
