but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
