Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize