i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
