It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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