I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
