Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
