she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
