Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
