Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
