When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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