I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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