her vagine was all disorganized.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
