I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
