What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
are you so shy because you have an std?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
