Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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