just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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