I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
