and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
