Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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