Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
