My liver just broke up with me...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
