remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
