i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize