No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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