I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm too high and old for this...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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