New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
