i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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