every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
