i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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