Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
