You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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