Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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