He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
