Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
