My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
