Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
