So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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